<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Take the Fuckin' Pamphlet by HlGHCHARlTY</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26401105">Take the Fuckin' Pamphlet</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HlGHCHARlTY/pseuds/HlGHCHARlTY'>HlGHCHARlTY</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood, Fake Character Death, Gen, Genjutsu, Implied Sexual Content, Injury, Jashinism, M/M, Religious Conversion, Rituals, Swearing, a little more in character this time, hidan busts a nut when he does his rituals we all know this, itachi's sharingan fuckery at its finest, like... a lot of it, various members make appearances</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:07:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,585</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26401105</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HlGHCHARlTY/pseuds/HlGHCHARlTY</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Despite being an Akatsuki member Hidan has close to no idea about the past actions of his teammates beyond Kakuzu. When he's informed of Itachi's crimes, he gets struck with an idea.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hidan/Uchiha Itachi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Take the Fuckin' Pamphlet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello! i am back with more itahida and i surely have more to come. this ship is entirely self indulgent for me, but even with their canon selves i can see endless possibility. they're like an untapped well. </p>
<p>in this fic we've got hidan trying to convert itachi to jashinism. i actually may expand on this a bit more because i think actual jashinist!itachi would be quite a sight. i hope y'all enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>As Hidan was the most recent member to join the ranks of the Akatsuki, his partner Kakuzu was responsible for getting him up to speed. The last thing the older man needed was a newbie falling behind in his abilities to cooperate with the rest of the organization (yet he never worked with anyone but Kakuzu). </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hidan, for the most part, had no interest in wanting to know the other members whatsoever. They all acted like pretentious dickheads in one way or another (his best examples being Pein, who preached his stupid idea of “world peace through monopolizing war”, and Sasori, who seriously believed his corpses-turned-toys were</span>
  <em>
    <span> art</span>
  </em>
  <span>). He could see himself befriending Kisame, but it turned out the big ol’ shark fucker was talking shit behind his back to his partner, Itachi.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Itachi… out of this whole freakshow, he was the only one who seemed normal. Came from a famous family, smart, talented, had a reputation that precedes him. He never spoke in meetings unless spoken to and was always seen dwarfed at Kisame’s side. How he managed to stay somewhat sane with all the bullshit around, Hidan had no clue.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, but he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>got </span>
  </em>
  <span>to have some issues. All of us do. You with your nasty heart shit, Sasori’s a walkin’ and talkin’ puppet… our sentry is a goddamn plant. There’s no way he’s normal.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re right about that. But you should know his ordeal already. All of us did the second we knew of him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hidan raised an eyebrow. Yugakure was a… fairly remote and rather <em>behind</em></span>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <span>village, and he wasn’t all that into travelling gossip as he was a member of the Church. He had more important things to listen to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh… no. I don’t. So tell me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kakuzu glared at him with an annoyed expression. </span>
</p>
<p><span>“You really are dumb, aren’t you... Itachi</span> <span>is responsible for murdering his entire family.”</span></p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh. That’s all?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t say that like it’s some easy feat. The Uchiha Clan were one of the original warring clans, boasting the likes of Madara Uchiha. They helped found Konohagakure. They have the Sharingan as their kekkei genkai</span>
  <span> and Itachi’s supposedly got the final form of it. I’m guessing that, considering his prodigy status, the stress got to him and he snapped.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“People murk their families all the damn time. I mean shit, Kisame’s from a village where killing your classmates is standard fair,” Hidan scoffed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He was 13 years old when he did it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...Oh.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Slaughtered them all with no genjutsu use. Took out the whole police force too… </span>
  <em>
    <span>alone.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Men, women </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>children. Killed his parents too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck, I get it, damn. Killed his whole clan. Shit.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>So behind that pretty face is a whole murderer, huh? Shit’s crazy.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>---------------------</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hidan couldn’t stop thinking about what Kakuzu told him. The Akatsuki really was home to a whole band of freaks. How on Earth did Pein manage to snuff them all out in one place?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On an off day, he and Kakuzu met up with Deidara and Sasori to discuss their next steps. It was usually up to them to go after the “easier” missions, as their styles weren’t fit for the more covert things Kisame and Itachi were assigned to, like political assassinations and espionage. Hidan really didn’t see a problem with that, although he would love to sacrifice a no-good government official one of these days. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That’s when Hidan remembered Deidara’s rather one-sided beef with Itachi. Maybe he could get some other information out of him considering the hate boner he had. The two were sitting away from their partners, not interested in the debriefing that was going on between them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yo, blondie, I got a question for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it, hm? Don’t call me that either.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Itachi. What’s your take on him?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A shit-eating grin grew on Hidan’s face as he saw Deidara’s gaze darken.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where to begin… I couldn’t stand him the minute he used that wretched Sharingan on me, hm</span>
  <em>
    <span>. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He had our whole fight rigged from the start because of that disgusting genjutsu. He even had me thinking his technique was </span>
  <em>
    <span>art, </span>
  </em>
  <span>can you believe that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hidan gave a slight nod, trying to seem interested.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“However. There’s no denying he’s powerful. Honestly</span>
  <em>
    <span>, </span>
  </em>
  <span>I think he may be stronger than the lot of us. I’m doing my best to craft a jutsu that can take him down but who knows if it’ll work? There’s so much from him that we haven’t seen… if you get a chance, ask Kisame about him, hm</span>
  <em>
    <span>. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He’s positively starstruck by him… it’s quite funny.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kisame?  </span>
  </em>
  <span>Hidan hated that bastard for his backstabbing shit-talking, but his curiosity really was getting to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I dunno when I’ll be able to do that but I’ll keep it in mind. Kakuzu told me how he wiped out his clan. I figured that old man’s crime was intense, y’know with the ripping out of hearts and shit, but damn.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right? Like imagine murdering your own flesh and blood without a second thought. He’s terrifying.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, he’s…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then it hit him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...He’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfect</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Deidara gave a confused glance, seeing Hidan’s wide eyes and mouth agape. Then Kakuzu and Sasori came over.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hidan. We’re going to Amegakure.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-----------------------</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Amegakure was the home base for the Akatsuki’s leaders, Pein and Konan. It was rare any of the dispatch teams were assigned there. If they were called upon then it was only for the most serious of matters…</span>
</p>
<p><span>“We’re here to discuss <em>funding</em> </span><span>? Goddammit, Kakuzu, I wanted to actually do</span> <span>shit!”</span></p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve been needing to talk with Pein about this for a while now. Unlike you, who has no other role outside acts of violence, I have to make sure our funds are actually being used properly.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two made their way through the heavy rainfall to the tallest building in Amegakure. None of the commoners were allowed in or near there as it was home to their mysterious, God-like leader. Apparently Pein didn’t even show his face to his villagers, but rather it was Konan who made all his announcements. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once inside they found themselves led to a purple-lit room by Zetsu. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They only want to see Kakuzu,” the white half said. His voice was sickeningly sweet compared to the black half.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So that means you stay outside, Hidan,” the black side sneered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You gotta be a dick about it? Don’t fuckin’ take forever, Kakuzu.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kakuzu went into the room, leaving Hidan to explore the remains of the building. He was sure neither Pein nor Konan would care, so long as he didn’t go slaughtering innocent villagers on the ground levels.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As he made his way down the hall he heard two familiar voices approaching.</span>
</p>
<p><span>“Do you think we’ll be sent on another political mission? I’m starting to grow tired of them… why not something easy, like a bounty? Ah, but that’s more of the Immortal Duo’s</span> <span>speed isn’t it…”</span></p>
<p>
  <span>Polite tone with a cruel edge. Always sounded like he was smiling when he talked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If anything I’d like to take a break. The other teams have been more active lately so it’s not like we should be in any rush now. Most of our missions call for their abilities anyways. We should also start keeping a lower profile, we’re getting too big.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Deep voice, but soft. Almost a complete lack of emotion present, making his intentions completely undetectable.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kisame Hoshigaki and Itachi Uchiha. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hidan found himself staring face to face with them in the hallway, much to the other duo’s (or at least Kisame’s) surprise.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, what do we have here? A lost zombie?” Kisame flashed a sharp, toothy grin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh. I knew it smelled like a rank fish market for a reason, but I figured it was just the commoners down below… how you livin’, Hoshigaki?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Never one to get too offended, Kisame laughed. “You’ll have to work on your insults if you intend to hurt my feelings, Hidan. But we were summoned by Pein. Can’t imagine why. Where’s your other half?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Talkin’ to Pein right now actually. Some shit about funding, so I don’t give a fuck.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hidan’s gaze went to Itachi, who was standing completely still and silent. This was really the first time he was able to get a good look at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm. Itachi-san, I’ll go on ahead to Pein to see what’s going on. Don’t want to interrupt your staring contest…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kisame went on his way as the two continued to lock gazes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I heard what you did to your family. Kinda sick.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Itachi remained silent. His eyes stood out in the dim lighting of the room, an intimidating bright red. His Sharingan. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why’d you do it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How would knowing that benefit you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Be</span>
  <em>
    <span>cause</span>
  </em>
  <span>… I have a proposition for you, Itachi-</span>
  <em>
    <span>chan</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Hidan only ever used honorifics to push buttons, but Itachi still looked unprovoked. “Have you heard of Jashinism?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t say I have.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Perfect! Let me teach you everything. You’d be perfect. Ever since Kakuzu told me about your shit I just knew Jashin-sama would take a liking to someone like you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Someone like me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes!” Hidan always grew passionate when his pious side could be released. “Slaughtering your family, your flesh and blood, the reason for your existence… if only Jashin had found you sooner, you probably could’ve been blessed with immortality like me! Jashin would gladly accept more than one vessel! Now, I’m absolutely their favorite, but I could take you to the temples, try to get Jashin to make some ro--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not interested in your religion, Hidan, sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hidan’s joyous expression immediately turned hurt. “But why the fuck not?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s simply of no interest to me. I don’t desire to be immortal.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hidan wouldn’t let that deter him. He wrapped an arm around Itachi and pulled him close, lightly tugging on his Jashinist chain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, think about it. Jashin’s seen what you’ve done and I can assure you they would welcome you with open arms. Fuck, the two of us killin’ heathen bastards for Jashin… really, think about it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Striking Sharingan met passionate purple. Suddenly Itachi smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s say I agree. How would we go about this?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hidan’s grin grew so wide his cheeks were sore. “Well, I think I’d have to <em>personally</em></span>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <span>teach you scripture, then… we could explore if you’re capable of a ritual jutsu. Shit, my ritual combined with your genjutsu would be fuckin’ fantastic.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A ritual jutsu?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, my cursed blood ritual.” Their faces were dangerously close. As much as Hidan wanted to show Itachi the ropes, another feeling was coming over him. His hand moved on its own, grabbing a kunai knife from Itachi’s cloak. “You wanna see how it works?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before Itachi could react, Hidan sliced his cheek, drawing blood. Itachi barely flinched. He touched the wound and looked at the spots of blood on his fingertips, then back to Hidan. He pounced the Uchiha, taking him to the floor and straddling his waist. His tongue ran across the blade and Itachi looked on in bewilderment as Hidan’s skin turned black, white marks resembling bones decorating his face, chest and fingers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In this form, his heavy lidded eyes found new life, growing wide and wild. Without a second thought he shoved the kunai into his hand, blood pouring from the new wound. He used the blood to make the symbol of Jashin around them. He cut into his arm, watching Itachi flinch and groan in pain as he grasped the wound. He was trying to staunch the blood flow, but it was too much. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s how you sound when you’re hurt?” Hidan asked, his breath noticeably heavier. “Jashin-sama… you’ll have to forgive me for taking this one for myself…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“T-This jutsu…” Itachi gasped. His face was flushed. “You’re… connected to me..?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit, that took you like five seconds to figure out. It’s way more fun when they’re panicking.” Hidan pulled out a new weapon, a black pike, from his cloak and snapped it open. “Now, had I kept my promise, I would’ve shown you how to play around with your victims. It’s all about <em>sharing</em></span>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <span>pain you know? But I guess you’ll have to learn through example.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hidan shoved the pike into his thigh. His pant leg was soon soaked in red with Itachi’s following suit. The Uchiha let out a sharp cry. His stamina, already weak enough as is, was depleting rapidly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“See? We both feel it. It’s good, yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For good measure, he stabbed his other thigh, rendering Itachi’s legs useless. Regardless of that, he was sure Itachi could feel how </span>
  <em>
    <span>turned on he was </span>
  </em>
  <span>from their groins against each other. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“As much as I wanna drag this on, I can’t. I fuckin’ can’t Itachi… I need to see how you look when I kill you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Itachi opened his eyes to see Hidan raising the pike high above his head, a wild and sadistic look in his eyes. It pierced right into Hidan’s heart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two went completely still, their eyes locked. Hidan was breathing heavily. Itachi was silent. Then his eyes rolled back, a spew of blood coming up from his mouth. A tremor went through Hidan’s entire body watching him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit… shit, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck, </span>
  </em>
  <span>that’s so good…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hidan’s skin turned back to normal as the light slowly left Itachi’s eyes. A wave of fatigue washed over Hidan as he came down from his high. Committing to rituals was essentially the same as sex to him. Had he not killed Itachi and actually <em>tried</em> </span>
  <span> to guide him through his own ritual, he was pretty sure he would’ve fucked him for real right after. He definitely would’ve put that long black hair to use. A shame, really.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hidan let the fatigue take over him and he collapsed on his back, ready to start his prayers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>---------------------</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh Goddammit, what the fuck happened?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was Kakuzu, coming down from his meeting with Pein as Kisame followed behind. They came into the hallway seeing Itachi standing above a completely passed out Hidan. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He tried to convince me to convert to his religion and made the mistake of looking into my Sharingan.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You had it activated? I guess I must be used to it by now…” Kisame chuckled. “A rookie mistake.”</span>
</p>
<p><span>“Can’t say I’m surprised. He didn’t even know what Itachi’s famous</span> <span>for.” Kakuzu grabbed Hidan by the collar of his cloak. He had no intentions of carrying him. “I’ll set him up in one of the hotels here. There’s a bounty in this village I want anyways.”</span></p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re going alone? Pein gave you permission?” Kisame asked. “We have nothing better to do, Pein just wanted to inform us on saving the Nine Tails jinchuriki for later. What's to say we just hang in Ame for a bit, hm, Itachi-san?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There could be some nice places to eat here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Have fun with that. At least I’ll finally get some time to myself,” Kakuzu grumbled as he went on his way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kakuzu, why not set him up in the same hotel we’re staying at? We could keep him while you go about your… business.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kakuzu shrugged and dropped Hidan’s collar. “Suit yourselves. I’ll catch up later.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The older man left. Kisame hoisted Hidan over his shoulder and the trio made their way to the ground levels. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What did you do to him? I thought an S-rank such as himself would at least know his way around some genjutsu…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just showed him what he wanted to see.” Itachi’s eyes returned to their normal pitch black color. “Nothing more.”</span>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>